Apple recently made provision for Gorillas by opening up the Ape store!
There's this local flasher in our neighborhood that's been operating for 78 years. When asked if he plans to retire, he said "I think I will stick it out for one more year!"
I got fired from the Orange Juice factory, because I couldn't CONCENTRATE!!!
Did you know the funny thing about indoor sports centers? They're outdoors!
I dedicate these invisible jokes to Brad Pitt...
What did the doctor say to the invisible patient? I can't see you today!!!
What did the doctor say to the invisible patient? I'm not prescribing anymore vanishing cream for you!!!
What did the doctor say to the invisible patient? Show me where it hurts!!!
What did the doctor say to the invisible patient? Did you say you're depressed, because people treat you as if you're not there?
What did the sewer worker get when she won a prize at the fair? Turd prize! (Boy was she peed off, and her husband shat himself laughing.)
Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, but no atmosphere!!!
Why don't skeletons go out? Because they don't have ANY BODY to go out with
What type of Jam can't you spread on bread? A traffic jam
Why can't you trust an Atom? Because they make up literally everything!
I take Viagra for my Sunburn. It doesn't cure it, but it helps keep the sheets off my legs.
A sewage contractor for country septic tanks is offering a discount today. One Turd off! Sigh
On the news this morning... (True story)
Boy eats small fridge magnets
He is now a very attractive chickmagnet yhoo•it/2MGzfibThere are two fish in a tank, one said to the other: How do you drive this thing?
Why did the banker quit her job? She lost interest!!!
I'm in at the Library. I approached a talking book, and I said Hello. It gave me the silent treatment. A passive aggressive talking book, hmmmmmm
Comic Sans walks into a bar, bartender says, "We don't serve your TYPE here!"
What did one Bee say to the other? It's SWARM today isn't it?
Did you hear about the dramas of a paper doll? She wasn't cut out for adventure!
What sort of person killed Kelloggs? A ceral killer!
What does a clock do when its hungry? It goes back for seconds!
What don't you say to an eye surgeon? Keep an eye out!
What sort of dirty jokes do ship captains share? Naughtical ones!
This butterfingered chef tries to reach for a carton of Eggs from the top shelf of the walk in kitchen fridge and fumbles the carton ending up with a big mess.
The nearby staff start laughing at him.
WHAT?! Cries the chef?
The staff respond... The YOLKS on you
This joke was newly hatched today
I went by the Hospital Plant Room, and the smell was very nice
I went by the Hospital Fan Room, and opened the door to be greeted by applause and cheers!
Never take a Nail to a bar! They tend to get HAMMERED!
How do you bend a Holographic persons ear? Use a Prism
What did the counsellor say to the Holographic person? You're projecting!
